HETEROSEXUAL men love women. And among the visually magnetic parts of the female anatomy that men are fascinated with is the female mammary. Said that way, the female breasts are relegated to their purely functional and scientific existence. Put in a more mundane way, men are mesmerized by women's breasts -- those twin mounds of flesh attached to the chest.

As an observer of human behavior, I am equally captivated by men's interest in the anatomical difference. And I am further amazed at how women respond to men's attraction to their luscious hills.

Men have their preference of breast size in women. Not many men like them flat, perhaps because these remind them of their own chests, minus the hair. Others want them not so big so as not to be overwhelmed. Men with suicidal tendencies however like them large enough to drown themselves. Nevertheless, men share a common reason for liking women's breasts regardless of the size: they are soft to touch.

Although there are quite a number of women who are not happy with the size of their own breasts, they too have their preference of breast size--for reasons that are totally unlike those of men. In this sense, women are more practical than men. Flat breasts are convenient for sports since a woman need not be impeded by a few pounds of mammary flesh. Average sized breasts are ideal for others since purchasing brassieres would be a breeze.

Large breasts have only a singular advantage. That is, they are attractive to men. The rest is downhill. One downside is that breast-crazed men tend to look at one's breasts rather than at one's face. Another is that purchasing a proper brassiere (and even blouses and dresses) is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Likewise, there is more fear of gravitational consequences as one grows with age. Other minor disadvantages include failed attempts at riding behind the local motorcycle driver with proper decorum and posture. It can be back-breaking...

Women have responded to the breast obsession of men in the most amusing ways. The most recent trend is breast enlargement--although this surgical procedure is certainly not financially amusing during these economically impoverished times. There are fearful notions as well that accompany this method, such as inducement of cancer, the possible bursting of implants, the risks of distortion and pain upon touch, and so on.

The "wonder bra" and brassieres with "push-ups" are great solutions when covered with clothes. The problem is that once removed ("What a relief/release!" many women have exclaimed), a woman's real breast size is exposed--and that could be a let-down once discovered.

There are other more hilarious ways that women have concocted in response to their undersized breasts.

When wearing low necklines, a friend of mine has to be perpetually conscious about squeezing her arms as close to her sides as possible, so that a cleavage between her breasts would appear. The downside is that the entire day (or night) can prove to be really stressful. What if she wants to hail for the waiter or a taxi? There goes that cleavage.

Another friend puts earth-tone eye shadow between her breasts to deepen a supposed cleavage. In her frustration, she often wonders whether a felt tip marker is better than her more subtle eye cosmetic.

Yet another friend makes certain that when she is in bed with her husband, she lies down sideways in order to produce a cleavage between her breasts. She laughs at the fact that when lying flat in bed, her breasts seem to slide to her sides as though one was angry with the other, leaving her chest flat.

Oh, what women do just to have those luscious hills! And those poor men, craving for luscious hills that they can never grow!

Luscious (synonyms: juicy, moist, delicious, succulent). Sounds like a fruit. The adjective seems more appropriate for the milk that the female breasts are capable of producing after giving birth.

Perhaps that is why men can oftentimes be such babies!